July 3rd. I swear it’s a crazy hard reality. Watching the sun go down and come up has been an ever out standing vision to me, Pink Clouds and suns rays peering through the sky. I guess I never appreciated those moments, just like not appreciating the moments of heart break, or loss, an for me even happiness. 1 1/2 months ago, I would have lied and said my shit does not stink. But in fact that is horse shit, I am no different from any one except I do have something inside me that over comes all leaps and bounds, something magical I neglected. Success in what ever I put my mind too. Rugby, fitness, Love at first and you know at the age of 18 I realized that I have a moment and will pursue it. I can I have and I will. That’s all I think. This is my own self realization a moment in my life where I created a revelation. Something so simple and articulate a known remedy for the soul, yet it’s one of the hardest challenges to hit. It’s simple change. Not just change but a whole system of acceptance of yourself, I know before tackling the worlds issues, you must tackle your own to succeed. It’s known it’s common sense it’s a piece of knowledge that just pops it’s way in your head, but when we find it, and hear it, it makes sense, And living it is the true succession. I for once in my entire life have now experienced this and is now living it. I practice what I preach I can actually give solid advice because I do it. Today I make a promise, keeping them from now on. It’s been an wild, I promise that I will succeed in my dream. I can, I can, and fucking A I will. To tell you the truth about this accelerated drive I just got, well Today, July 3rd 2012 11:53 am I get a call. The ringer ID pops my ex’s name, I panic. I ask myself “Why is she calling me, damn I hope every one is ok”. So I call back at 11:55 am, and find out news that will an has changed my life forever in an amazing way. She says how are you
I say Ok, Is everything alright
She says ” we are having a baby”
I say ” what”? Typical male response , In all honesty it was a shock but I felt happy, its intense.
She said ” yeah for real”
Me” are you sure its mine I mean”
She cuts me off ” Chris Im 3 months”
Well you know if I don’t know whats the deal I had doubts but you know I don’t want any more doubts I want happiness and a life full of greatness for all. Corny yeah, it is but whatever. I love life it has some shitty moments, it has some what the fuck moments, the Wow, and it has all the other shit I haven’t experienced. No matter what I told her something and I’m going to stick to it. That woman deserves massive amounts of credit, She is going through a difficult time in many ways than 10 but it is a relief to see she is overcoming, well done. I found my self actually taking her feelings into consideration, because I am a selfish person at times, well I can now say use to be. I would make the actions always about me. It was an attention problem I was like a prissy princess, it should be hard to accept that but it is and was, and it was a habit, a habit acquired over the years, it wasn’t me, in fact I lied and changed who I was so many times i lost my self years ago, I came out in spurts but at the time I hated my self all of it. So I accept it and for real I’m such a cool fucking dude. This is me, caring ,loving, respectful, Honorable, Honest,Finally honest, Loyal finally loyal, Faithful, Hopeful and passionate, strong, will and determination. I want the Hopes that my Daughter will grow up and can say after recognizing her parents imperfections as we all do, and look at me or a picture and say damn my dad is so cool, he’s the best man I ever knew, And damn I have that Honor, I have been blessed with that honor to help raise a person to live beautifully in this world. I’m hoping for a girl so bad. I am honored and baby girl if you ever read this or my baby boy, just in case I’m off ha, Either I love you already, and will till the day I die. Promise big promise that I will always keep. It’s amazing I didn’t think I’d be saying this, I am so blessed. It’s an Honor and a Privilege to be in my shoes despite the fact that the Mother and I have no certain future together, and that is fine, I really honestly am Happy with that, if it is than it will, if not then there will be someone out there. Fate decides that one. I decide on taking my life in my hands and moving to the next objective, and support my Child. I am very lucky and blessed to have an amazing strong person the mother I speak of, include me in this baby’s life, I know you would, but you didn’t have too, but yeah it was right and thank you for that. I take that oath and responsibility. It will be hard, I have no idea whats in store for parent hood but I can do it and will figure it out, and thank the lord the Mom is a teacher, so I can have further assistance.This is crazy, but it is as hard as I make it, and right now, I’m excited and proud to become a father. I mean these words with all my heart, Yeah I dressed them up a bit, but I mean it. Reality is gritty and ruthless, but it’s sweet side overcomes it all with the right attitude.
Thank you God and everyone for reading I appreciate the comments. haha