It’s these moments that prove the impossible wrong

You know it’s been a while. So far everything is great looks like Columbia pictures has an interest in my project :D. More importantly this post will be about me and m current journey. So I am back in tucson in an apartment with the woman I love more than anything. Today though was a tough moment, I had a terrible experience. I will not put what but I will let you know it was the past coming back to bite my ass… hard. It’s all good now, but it made me question who I am. What I’ve accomplished, and my future. It is still lingering around my gut and chest. It will go away. I am proud to say that I am honored to be the person that I am. I am finally what I’ve always wanted to be, through all the mistakes I’ve made and the successes I’ve achieved. I still take things for granted, and I can’t anymore. I have become honest and honorable, and I have a butt load of integrity. I still wish everyone the best every those I want to hate and smash open their face, but I have to remember who I am and that I am proud of who I am. I believe in people and I know that they will prove my negativity wrong. To prove my negativity wrong is very easy because I am very negative not as much but it still hangs around. The problem is it is harmful to me and my family. The best thing in the world is that I can take these terrible experiences and turn them into the best moment, and have the best moments continue to flow on into my life. Trust me right now I should be pissed and crying breaking down. I did that for about an hour now haha better than spending days weeks months and years. I believe in us and in her. I just talked to her right now, and she did it again, she proved that negativity wrong.. She proved that positive greatness right. Now it’s time for me too. Wish me look everyone, this is not hard, I am making this worse than it has to be. I am proud to know that I stood taller and stronger than the person sh decided wasn’t right for her. I have to look at it like that. I am so proud to be her man, we were broken up when she dated another man, and my insecure side down plays me. The important side of me that doesn’t want to say this, says I won, she choose me when she didn’t have too. No one is me and I am no one we are all unique and amazing in our own ways, whether we show it or not. I have to say I went through the same experience no body was her. We are meant to be, whether we were 20 ffet apart or over 1000 miles we still came back to eachother, through our daughter. Love you Ali, you got dad’s head straight out of his ass, and I am sorry I doubted. My daughter is a miracle. I know this because the thought of her and her mother give me a smile in even the worse of times. These are my woman and I will never give up on them or myself again. So success in hitting me from every which way. All the best things in out there are headed my way. Thank you all for this opportunity and Thank you for following along.

Thanks Christian

For Ali (Al-Lee)

Signs…

It is crazy how most people see signs that pertain to their current worries.. or thoughts, or questions.. I see these daily I’m going to update this constantly when i see a new sign that gives me hope and peace. I always for get the signs I see, especially the ones where I don’t look for the answers, the ones that just reach out and tap my shoulder.. it seems those are the honest best ones, the ones that come true, not the ones where I shake my phone to get the answer I want on the magic 8 ball craziness. I should just stop and let the answers come to me. I feel calmness. If in some weird crazy spiritual way a piece of  her is still here, it’s here by choice, all by choice. Does that mean that piece  will re join us or what..? Don’t know but i’m going to love and enjoy it, and keep it close to my heart.

1. I stand in the  dining room looking down the hallway at our old empty room, I feel her presence again, I cry a little and tell her i’m sorry.. I then collect my self and after my moment I see our bamboo plant eegee… I realized he hasn’t been watered in some time, I grab my bottle of water and see a metal sculpture we had that said faith, actually the words faith were the sculpture.. It’s a flat cutout piece of metal that some one put in there a while back.. I saw it and saw that I needed to keep faith..

This lady on this forum wrote this passage:

“Yeah, a lot of couples who break up sometimes eventually do get back together again and years later. The time to be together may not have been right back then, that doesn’t mean that there will be no right time for you both in the future. Throughout those years spent apart, both people may have moved on, moved miles away from one another, met other people, got married, had kids (which all happened in our situation btw, although I am now divorced, he is recently seperated), but still some lost loves will find their way back to one another. If it was meant to be, it will be 

“Must admit that I never would’ve thought in a million years that our paths would cross again, that he’d come looking for me and particularly after all these years. But all these years I still carried feelings for him deep in my heart and I never ever forgot him, seems that applied in his case also”.

I really hope it doesn’t take years and marrying the wrong person, but life has it’s weird ways of making you truly happy when you feel like you shouldn’t be. It’s really weird to me, I acknowledge that all this hope and faith I’m gaining could be just a coping method to hide my self from the reality.. We are broken up, yet i don’t feel like we truly are, she is gone but not totally, I bet people have felt this all before.. And may have not been back together, and thought they’d never find happiness. I feel that to be bull shit in my case, I feel strong feelings that I can’t remember is they served me right or not.. wait ya they did.. I’ve had these feelings before.. haha I don’t realize these things ever, I feel we will be fine, through any force, My love is still strong for her, maybe cause I just lost her, maybe cause I realized my faults, and more realizations are to come.. We saw that movie hall pass and thought that shit was dumb, funny movie it was good, but I felt that leaving and going off from your spouse was going to help!! now I think I’ll figure the rest out, I’m seeing through some new eyes right now, I’m seeing that I did a lot of mistakes, I’m wondering if they’ll ever be forgiven.. not sure.. I feel like calling her right now.. just to hear her of course but to really see how she is doing, just to ask how are you how is work? cool you have a good day. i think i just might.. it’ll help me get through the day folks.. Don’t worry i ain’t going sappy, and I hope this won’t be a violation of her space. i don’t want to violate it, i just want keep in touch. i’ll call her.. i’ll let you know how it goes.. or maybe i’ll just keep this one to me.

 

“choice I saw the words choice, another answer to my questions”